Spam Part II: Damn it. I said tone it DOWN

If you've read the other post about my gmail inbox spam (which I HIGHLY doubt you have because who in the hell is actually reading this blog?) then you already know the subject matter of this post. If not, well, you will catch on fairly quickly. These are samples of subject lines and the first sentences in e-mail body text:

Here are some run of the mill ones I saw:

Add more inches to your manhood easily

Give your wife greater stimulation

Show her how much you love her

Now here's where it got downright insulting:

Bigger does mean better

Put an end to your love failures

You don't want to cast your eyes down in her bedroom again, right? Try this remedy!

Our genetically modified bacteria can mutate your toothpick into a tree trunk

Then they kind of went off on a tangent:

Steely hardness awaits you with express herbals

Tent your trouser with your new rod

Bang her through the day and night

Bang 2 girls in the back seat <-- my personal favorite from this bunch

These were as close to the gibberish spam most people get because they didn't make sense at all:

Jailed because of skimpy wear

Prodigious preparation is to your service

Oh and there were some where the subject line did NOT match up with the first line in the body of the e-mail:

Brand new medically-proven formula - Whores will stay with you all night long with your new python

Boob job gone way wrong - Give her that fantastic feeling every night

Check out the butt cheeks - Chicks dig bigger dicks. Here's how to get one

This one kind of pissed me off for some reason:

Increase your tool's reach - Lovemaking is not a skill, all you need is to be huge

BUT MY ANGER IMMEDIATELY TURNED TO LAUGHTER AFTER I SAW THIS:

Swing your ding - Jam it raw into her like LeBron James capping a perfect 10 dunk

^I couldn't have written anything finer than that which is very sad considering I write for a living.

By the way, what is with those spam e-mails from "Katie" or "Donna"? You know, the ones with the "22" or "23" year old who just happened to move down the street from you, is extremely lonely and looking for new friends. So she decides to randomly e-mail you in hopes of procuring friendship. Unfortunately for you, the only thing that will be procured quickly is a case of the herp. And not just the herp. The SUPER herp. The type where antibiotics take one look at it, say "Eff it, we tried" and leave in a cloud of defeat hanging over them. Okay, now I can finally delete all my spam and go to bed =)